She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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