That's when you crack a 10am beer
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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