At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
