By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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