found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
