It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
