guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
