dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
