after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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