he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
