why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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