Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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