I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
