How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
