Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
