i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
