how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
