bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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