Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Welp...herpes.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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