You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
