Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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