Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You need Xanax blowdarts
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
