So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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