I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
