I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want a musical about memes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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