I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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