As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
