I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
