In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
