Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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