My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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