it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
