As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
