I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
