My Higher Power is John Stamos
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
