I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
