Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
