then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
