she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
