just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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