brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
