i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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