someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
