Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
