Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
