can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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