last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
