I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize