I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
