Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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