would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
