Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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