My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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