I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
