i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
