life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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