thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're too hungover to prance.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
