If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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