dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
