Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
