I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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