I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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