I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
