I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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